Liberate your Struggles Read online

  I Found My Path

  When I was in high school, pondering what I wanted to be when I grow up, I went to a college fair. I visited a booth that had a sign that said ‘Occupational Therapy.’ The woman at the booth explained the career to me as a medical position, much like being a nurse, but you don’t just give pills to a patient. As much as I wanted to be a doctor, Occupational Therapy was “my thing”. I didn’t want to spend years in medical school. I wanted to be a mommy as soon as possible! With Occupational Therapy, you get to teach patients of all ages how to do for themselves after an accident or illness. You get to teach them how to do whatever they need to do to live a life of quality. Wait, what? I can help people live better lives? I can actually do something that helps other people and have fun doing it (and get paid well for it)? I have been an Occupational Therapist for over 20 years now and thank my parents every day for putting me through college. I was a little perturbed they wouldn’t let their first daughter go to Pitt and chose a Catholic school for me, but I get it now! The same nun that taught me in kindergarten resided at my college’s convent. Either it was karma or a pleasant surprise! I do know this: all things happen for a reason in life. This fact has given me new strength for handling the loss. Maybe God plans it that way so as we start to lose loved ones, like our parents, we are somewhat equipped to weather that astonishing loss. I am not sure how I will breathe when I have to endure that, but I know that God (and my parents) will be with me. Michael and I talk a lot about losing loved ones. He teaches me to be patient and cherish everyday because when they are gone, they are gone forever.

  I have met so many patients that have changed my life. Here my job was to help them, but they were teaching me. There were so many God moments that I had no idea were God moments at the time. Now when they happen, I simply say, “Thank you.” A very dear patient of mine recommended a book. After telling me about the hit and run accident that took her son’s life, she proceeded to tell me about the glorious life she has led. She amazed me. Someone took her son from her, yet she still enjoyed life. I saw the raw pain in her soul when she spoke of losing him, but she still found joy in each day. How? She had faith, relentless faith. My sons are the air I breathe. I’d suffocate without them. I often wonder if they will ever know how much I love them. How could someone survive to be ok without their child? The answer came to me before I left her home the day I met her. God. God is the only answer. I loved this woman for her strength and faith. My patient and I soon realized how much we enjoyed each other’s company and how similarly we viewed life. She told me to get a book called ‘Angels Among Us.’ Within a week, I finished the book and was sending a message to the author, Clint Stanton, to thank him for sharing such a heartfelt and beautiful story. He tells the reader about the sweet memories with his mother, which included watching Forrest Gump on his last Mother’s Day with her. Clint wrote about the feather that drifted by Forrest as he put his son with the love of his life, Jenny, on the bus. Minutes after I read that chapter, I went into our study and saw a white feather sitting on the sofa. I was so moved by this that I taped the feather to one of our coasters. I didn’t want to forget the significance of that God moment. I now have copies of Clint Stanton’s cd’s and a t-shirt for my patient and me, personally sent from Clint himself. God is good.

  The Best Instruction Book

  I have learned so many lessons from my depression, anxiety, relationships, and abuse. There is one resounding lesson, though. The Bible is the best instruction book for life. Read that sentence again if you need to! Don’t be so consumed with material things or social media that it distracts you from living a truly Godly life. The love of Money is the root of all evil. Yes, you should have it if it makes you happy, however, don’t let it distract or confuse you from what really matters. Are you being an honest person, or are you walking a walk for your own gain? If you can’t be honest with yourself, you won’t know the power and peace of living a Godly life of abundance. And be kind. We all have a story but don’t transfer your account onto someone else like I did. You will be hard pressed not to receive blessings if you live by the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule. And let me be clear, I am far from perfect. I think Jesus knew I was coming along when he died for our sins! I wish I could personally apologize to every person I have ever hurt. I’d pay whatever consequences I could to take away any pain I have caused. But I cannot and I have three sons that I need to be amazing for. Instead of crying now when I watch them sleep, I smile and thank God for another day with them. Michael and I keep each other grounded and remind each other of what truly matters. We have learned from so many mistakes we have made. We have asked for God’s healing and blessings upon our family. Make sure you have a best friend that shows you who you are and who you want to be. It may not always be pretty but make sure to be honest with yourself.

  My older brother Chris always tells me to “Keep the main thing.” He and I know what that means when we text KTMT. Keep the main thing in life. Follow life’s instruction book. Follow the 10 Commandments! One of the key lessons I needed to learn was to love myself. We hear that all the time, maybe so much so that we have lost the value in those words. Eat right, exercise, limit or avoid toxins, get your sleep, surround yourself with things that make you happy. The times I couldn’t afford flowers (but realized the sight of them made me happy) I would pick them from outside. Drive safely, live in the moment, slow down, recognize that everyone has a story. If you feel sad, feel it then move on. Find the positive things in life. Don’t rush to judge but know when to remove people, places, or things in your life that are toxins for you. We are all different with different tastes. Variety is the spice of life! As for me, I have created my own health and wellness business that provides me the comfort of being a mommy and serving others. I roll with the punches now and thank God for the challenges. I hold onto the friendships that bring me joy and help me grow. I see the sunshine in everything.

  Our time here on Earth is like a grain of sand. Our human bodies can only process so much mentally and physically. Have the peace of mind to know and accept that there is something so much greater than we. Fill your mind with good messages. I listen to a Christian radio station and nothing makes me happier than hearing my sons sing, “I Can Only Imagine.” Breathe in love and exhale gratitude. Respect that we are not in control of the universe. Maximize what you can do as a human being and find the joys and blessings in even difficult times. Live in alignment and give positive energy to others. If you open up your mind, arms and heart to receiving God, love and sunshine, it will find you. Keep the main thing. The sun will follow you, I promise. You just have to look up.

  “In the end, it’s all worth it.

  The pain behind your smile,

  the struggles behind your

  success and the past

  behind your present.”

  ~ Saksham Vyas

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  A GUIDE TO LIBERATE YOUR STRUGGLE

  THROUGH AUTHENTIC TRANSFORMATION

  By Anastasia Gunawan

  Throughout my life, I have experienced many moments of synchronicity. Synchronicity is a natural phenomenon that occurs within the scope of human experience. It is often made up of seemingly coincidental events or cues that hold a powerful and often personal meaning to the observer. Very recent synchronicity in my life led me to John Spender and A Journey of Riches. This chapter represents experiences of my own personal journey of riches. Every space between words is filled with gratitude. I will be forever grateful to have had the opportunity to share my truth with the world.

  A few years ago, I completed graduate school to become a social epidemiologist. Social epidemiologists are scientists who study the effects of social-structural factors related to the health of the human population. We study the distribution of advantages and disadvantages in society and how they are associated to human health and disease. For example, children who are born into poverty, and have adverse childhood experiences of abuse and neglect are more likel
y to adapt and exhibit unhealthy behaviors later in life. This finding led to the development of Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) score. Individuals with a higher ACE score are at higher risk for developing certain physical diseases and social and emotional problems. One prominent study in the United States that investigates ACE is The CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study (Visit https://cdc.gov for more information).

  I was fascinated with the study of health from a sociological perspective because of my upbringing. Growing up, I was raised in a single-parent household. My mother is a piano teacher who is also a brilliant musical performer. I would describe her as a very passionate woman. My sister and I relied on my mother’s earned income to make ends meet, teaching children how to play the piano. The three of us lived in a one-bedroom duplex in a quiet neighborhood near city college.

  I am also from a family of immigrants so English is my second language. The United States of America used to be a foreign country 8,000 miles across the Pacific Ocean from my birth country, Indonesia. After years of residence in the U.S., it eventually began to feel like home. It is not a foreign country to me anymore, but that sense of familiarity and belonging took some time to develop.

  As an immigrant child, I didn’t overthink my circumstances. I didn’t compare my life to other kids. In high school, I was focused on fulfilling my dream to attend college. I remember how passionate I was about what would be possible if I attended college so I earned good grades in my classes, participated in clubs/organizations (orchestra, ROTC, Academic Olympics Club), and worked my way to varsity member of the rifle team. My high school days were filled with activities that I really enjoyed. I thought, ‘If high school is this fun, I can’t even imagine how fun college will be!’

  One day, I was sitting in my third period trigonometry class when my teacher received a note instructing me to visit the Guidance Counselor’s office. As I walked down the hallway, I wondered what this was going to be about. Was I in trouble?

  I waited outside of the office as I did at the beginning of my senior year, I gave myself an important mission, applying for as many scholarships as I could. This was a critical mission because I couldn’t afford to pay my college tuition on my own. I submitted multiple scholarship applications throughout the semesters and prayed every night that they would be accepted. Four months before my high school graduation watched other students coming and going. Eventually, my counselor called my name to enter his office and he asked me to take a seat. My palms were sweaty and I couldn’t help feeling anxious. I watched him pick up a red portfolio folder, and as he opened it, he turned to face me and said, “Congratulations, Anastasia. The scholarship committee came to an agreement to award you with full-ride tuition to the university.” I took a long pause and my eyes swelled up with tears of disbelief. I felt like I was dreaming.

  Synchronicity often plays out unexpectedly. There is no telling when, where, or how it will unfold. My experience with synchronicity has helped me understand a pearl of wisdom about life: I cannot change the circumstances that the universe has orchestrated for me. I couldn’t change my financial circumstances at the time that left me unable to afford college but my choices and actions matter more than my struggles. My deliberate actions to succeed, and aligning those actions with my dream of attending college led me to that exact moment of meeting with my counselor. I was able to manifest and witness the fulfillment of my desire because I had acted in a manner that served my dreams and created possibilities without doubt or limitations resulting from my current circumstances.

  From my experience as a young teen, I learned how to minimize my struggle psychologically. I developed a habit of not carrying my struggles into my daily routine. I earned good grades in all my classes and studied for the SAT and ACT college entrance exams even though I did not know if I would even be able to attend college. I was preparing for my dream against some apparent odds.

  As a little girl, I enjoyed spending time sketching home interior designs and apparel. I would role play of owning my own design business with fake clients. Throughout my childhood, I accumulated stacks of business portfolios and sketches as a result of my unreserved creativity and imagination. As I got older, I started yearning for greater purpose and meaning, asking myself, “Who do I want to be? How can I contribute to this world?”

  It became apparent after conducting my own research and projecting my younger self into the future that I would not find personal fulfillment designing clothes or creating beautiful homes for myself or other people. Through trial and error, I eventually found my way to the health sciences. Health sciences offer countless career opportunities to serve others. This field provided a solution for my relentless yearning for greater meaning and purpose that is bigger than myself. With that pursuit in mind, I chose to study Neuroscience in college. I developed a curiosity for the human brain and the dynamics of internal and external variables in life that influence human behavior. The decision to pursue a career in this field came to me as a surprise, considering my childhood passion for the creative arts.

  My full-ride scholarship to college gave me boundless freedom to fuel my curiosity. I learned how to cultivate and access intelligence effortlessly. I watched other college students struggle in classes, choosing the right degree and feeling uneasy about the direction of their path. I did not understand why it was a big struggle for many. I have always trusted my intuition and curiosity to guide me. There are times when I fear my own intuition because it may seem irrational or illogical, but when it comes to making the big decisions in my life, I trust it entirely because being receptive to your intuition can help guide you to a life of ease.

  The opposite of ease is disease. As a public health professional, I see disease and human suffering in an array of complex cause and effect models. Shortly after my college graduation, I decided to take a year off before pursuing graduate school. The primary driving force behind my post-graduate life was ambition. I wanted to DO more. I wanted to BE more. This ambition carried me through the next phase of my life.

  I applied to a local public health graduate training program despite not having any idea how I would be able to pay for it. A few weeks after submitting my application, I received an opportunity to accept financial assistance from the program. My tuition would nearly be free with the opportunity to earn extra money by working with an assigned mentor in my selected field of study. It was a chance to network and learn from an experienced group of researchers and scientists. A week prior to starting my graduate program, I had accepted an on-call organ recovery technician position at a local hospital in addition to my graduate program and research projects. I worked over 50 hours a week for the next two years.

  Halfway through my training, I started to feel the pressure from myself and others around me to excel in research. I had multiple incidents of unexplained skin rashes, temporary loss of consciousness, and weight gain. I completely disregarded these symptoms as being potentially life-threatening. My intuition told me I was experiencing symptoms of burning out but I wanted to save lives and pursue good work. I was receptive to my intuition but did not act on it this time. I wanted to be a superhero for others, but I completely neglected myself in the process and became a burned-out byproduct of my ambition. When I finally graduated, my family and loved ones attended my graduation celebration. I felt so much love, pride, and success but it was a fleeting moment that came with a debilitating cost from not listening to my intuition. From the outside looking in, I was on the path to success; however, at the peak of my success, I felt utterly powerless. I was struggling with poor health, negative body image, a break-up from a seven-year relationship with someone whom I cared for deeply, and sadness and grief that filled every minute of my waking life. Our lives are filled with hidden lessons. I spent a few years after my training searching for whys. Why did I fail to see this burn-out coming? Why do I feel so powerless? I started to write down events that happened from my past, dissecting them objectively.

 
As I started to dissect my past experiences on paper, I realized a lot of things that I needed to change. The first thing I realized that needed a tune-up in my life was my diet. My diet was predominantly refined carbohydrates that are commonly found in white flour, white bread, white rice, pastries, sodas, snacks, pasta, sweets, breakfast cereals, and added sugars. I had a very minimal intake of fruit and vegetables. At the time, my diet did not support my life and goals. I did not know how much processed food I was eating until my health started to decline. I love to use the excuse of not having enough time to prepare nutritious foods that my body will love but it was a costly excuse because my poor dietary choices definitely contributed to my burn-out.

  According to World Health Organization, burnout is a legitimate medical diagnosis. It is not something to be proud of — to admit to myself and others that at 23 years old, I had already experienced burn-out. I was experiencing low energy, mood swing, migraines, and skin rashes. It was quite shocking to me because I never planned to experience these health symptoms so early in my life. In hindsight, every life experience carries a lesson.

  My experience with chronic disease taught me to always put my body and health as my number one priority in life. I learned to do this by taking small steps. I signed up for a gym membership with one of my best friends. I was committed to doing cardio and weight exercises at least three times a week. I became more deliberate in my food selection and purchasing only healthy foods. I started to incorporate more vegetables, fruits, fiber, fish, and nuts into my diet. Once my small steps became a daily routine, I started feeling healthier and stronger. I was not easily stressed or irritated. I was no longer experiencing migraines. I felt stronger, joyful, and happier than ever before.